I've never been the employee who gives the boss a reason to pull his or her hair out of frustration but I guess I've changed.
Is it wrong to ask questions about a certain process about your work?
Is it wrong to give an opinion or voice out concerns to make everyone's life easier or simpler than make it too complicated for no reason at all?
Today, I almost burst into tears from too much anger. My hands were cold, my face almost got tomato red and I had to smoke while waiting outside for my friend to go out for lunch.
Before this happened, my boss called my attention for coaching. Another colleague of mine interrupted us by asking my boss about a note on our tool that my boss requested for her to edit so that it wouldn't bounce back to us from the client.
My big mouth couldn't help but agree with her and I was surprised to see my boss' reaction. His face turned red and told me that he doesn't question the process given by the client because he understands it.
It may have been my interpretation but the way he answered my question by giving his opinion was a way to avoid answering it which is popularly known as defense mechanism.
I know a thing or two about it because we studied that in our Psych class. Good speakers, like most politicians, answer questions by diverting one's attention to another issue or giving another question to avoid providing a direct answer.
It is understandable for him to react the way he did because it must have looked like I'm questioning his authority or his courage to demand answers from clients but the way he urgently asked that I create an email that instant so he can forward it to his boss as per my inquiry was over the top in my opinion.
The Ally McBeal episode where she got so humiliated that her size got reduced by 90% (like a barbie doll size)-- it was exactly how I imagined myself at that moment. I even questioned my own statement if I sounded rude but I'm sure I wasn't at that time.
The operations manager replied with a crappy message saying he'll try to work on it for us although it's impossible at the moment. He is full of BS. Most agents adore his face and his tree-like height but he still resembles a giant salesman to me who knows everything when it comes to delivering a piece of bad news to people with a twist.
He has the ability and the charm to declare war and still sound as if we're having a party. I envy that from him but then again, liars are not at the top of my list so as much as I'd love to be one of his fans-- I'm not.
Anyway, the scene with my boss turned into a TV series mode...
Imagine me as a big sister asking her baby brother not to be mad because I'm simply asking the reason behind the homework she needs to accomplish for him. I'm supposed to be the one consoled because I'm his agent but I did it otherwise because my regularization depends on him.
On top of it all, it is not in my blood to be unprofessional when it comes to work. Stress is easy but when I have to avoid talking to my boss altogether, that would be difficult.
I respect those who deserve them but if I've been aggravated or abused too much, it's another thing. I also have my own limits.
I am very understanding and patient when it comes to work-related issues. I follow the rules, I extend my work hours if needed and I would comply to all the requirements asked of me but when I'm treated like a janitor requesting for extra tissues to be placed in the cubicles-- that's another thing.
He must have noticed that I'm no longer as chatty as I normally am during work hours. I didn't consult him regarding my calls and asked my colleagues instead. He chatted with me online regarding my call earlier because I couldn't bear to talk to him about it because I was still upset.
I did everything to avoid consulting him during a difficult call because I was still mad and I'm the type of person who preferred to keep quiet when brooding or else I am no longer in control of the words coming out of my mouth.
He even gave me a free time before my end of shift to do floor support; what is it-- a consolation prize for his rude behavior?
If I only had the courage, I would have confronted him and said this to his face-- "Only a kid has the ability to forget everything that happened with a piece of candy. If you didn't notice, I'm an adult; unfortunately, as much as I'd like to move on by shrugging it all off, I can't do the same for you today."
I forgave him for what he did to me today but I would never forget the way he almost shouted at me to get back to my station and send him the email that instant.
(DISCLAIMER: edited due to grammatical errors as a result of extreme anger while she was recalling the incident during the blog moment/may still contain some errors that need to be corrected)