Aug 2, 2010

The one with plans

  1. Have you ever had plans that make you frown and lose your concentration in the middle of a conversation?
  2. Have you encountered a moment when you forget where your keys are or what you were supposed to do next because you cannot get an idea out of your head?
  3. Have you been talking to yourself in the mirror at times due to frustrations on certain matters in your life that you have no control of?

If it's all of the above, then we're in the same boat.

I kept telling myself over and over again that there's a purpose for all these events. I must have been tested for what is yet to come. This could be a preparation for an unknown future. Well, who knows what the future holds anyway?

I was once given a free prediction by a friend's friend who's known by few who can see your future by simply looking at your face. He's Chinese, older than us by a year or two, who once said that I will have 2 kids, who will both be male. The most intriguing part was, they will be from 2 different men in my future life.

Fascinating. How can that possibly happen when I don't even have a boyfriend right now?

When I was in college, I planned to have my own business and having a savings of a million by the age of 30. I know it's a far-fetched idea but if we can dream, then we should dream big, right? It had never been part of my plans to marry or have kids because I had this belief that it would come at the right time and it would not be a long-term goal that I needed to plan.

When I turned 25, I realized that my plans seemed to be too huge to turn into reality and I removed the 1-million goal. As long as I earned enough to put up my own business would be enough for me.

At 27, I'm wondering if it will still happen. They said that 25 is the quarter-life crisis but it's still happening to me. I'm stuck at a point in my life when I have too many options on what I can do next for my goal to happen and I am left with a blank answer to my questions.

How do you make things happen when all obstacles are coming your way?

Do you pursue them amidst all the walls blocking your way or do you stay put and wait until the walls start to crumble one by one and you can find your way again?

Having too much freedom makes life complicated. There are 2 options: go with your plans while leaving the people you love behind or stay miserably on your current situation and be content having the people you love around.

Choosing the first option is selfish. If I'll go with the second option, I'll be regretful for the rest of my life pondering the what-ifs of that road.

I am beginning to envy Evelyn Salt's life from the movie SALT. She led her own life the way she wanted it to be. There were unavoidable circumstances and extreme measures taken along the way but she endured all of it to do what she believed was right even if it meant putting the love of her life at risk. It was deeply painful and almost unbearable to imagine yet she lived to continue what she started.

I'm going to relish this moment of dilemma thinking that someday, I'm going to read this blog and be grateful for the decision I made.

Meanwhile, I'll go back to watching Creating Destiny to put my mind to rest--even for a while.