Jan 2, 2012

The one with stuck

Due to the incidents today, the Christmas spirit gone and the inner chaos going on at home-- I'll be delaying the continuation of my previous post about Christmas Day. 

What a day. I woke up early to clean up the left-over mess from the drinking session on New Year's eve. Oops I didn't wake up because of that. It's because I need to do the regular bladder duties and my stomach started complaining from dehydration.

Once I started clearing the plates, I was on a roll so I wiped all the teeny bits of food stuck inside the microwave then moved on to the stove and the rest of the unit. With the background music by Adele, Colbie Caillat, Jason Reeves and E. Yamin, there was a synchronized rhythm through my movements that I didn't feel even a moment of exhaustion. My little concert continued in the bathroom and I was lost in my own little world where I was forever replaying scenes from last night and previous nights. AGAIN.

Let's move on because the "thinking" part is so lame. Mind over matter. Tired. Tired. Tired. Erase thinking during sleeping hours, idle time and bathroom breaks.

Anyway, my gay housemate (R) brought several friends at home for a drinking session just now. I am certainly not in the mood for another one. First, I got a stiff neck due to an uncomfortable position I've slept last night. Second, the supposedly foursome drinking session became a threesome event because he was online in Skype most of the time. What is the point of drinking with an invisible companion? Third, he asked permission from my sister and my housemate. Not from me. 

So my opinion doesn't count anymore. Great. Thank you so much for making me realize that my consent doesn't really matter when bringing in friends. I don't really mind. A courtesy or consideration on the matter would have sufficed. Lo and behold--Zip. Zilch. Nada.

I got upset for a few moments but I recovered after listening to random songs in YouTube. That's me. Fixed by music. Tomorrow is another day. I will feel better. The patience antidote hasn't gone through its normal operating hours and the anger management department is still on the works but it'll improve in time.

Life is short. It's been far too long that I've been stuck in this hole. Being kind and nice had been a label I've hated since a kid although most people think it's a positive thing. Well, not to me. I refuse to be described in 2 adjectives because they do not know me. 

I can also get mad when the need arises. I can be blunt when the wrong button is pressed. I can be a bitch when treated wrongly. I can be too silent when too upset because of my fear to speak negative words that I'll regret afterwards. I can laugh like a mad woman when I'm too happy and at the same time, cry like a baby if I was moved by a song, movie or situation. 

All of us have our own distinct qualities that make us different from others. This makes us perfectly imperfect because we compliment others by this lack of characteristic or behavior. We are all special in our own ways because of our varying emotions and reactions to situations; otherwise, we're no different to electronic gadgets invented by scientists who constantly do routine tasks.

I am grateful with the experiences of 2011 because I became a stronger and wiser person. I am thankful for the great friends I've known who stuck by me through thick and thin, parents who remained by my side despite my daily dose of psychotic moments and the new people who affected my life in more ways than they can possibly know in this lifetime.

This year, "stuck" will never be a hindrance. I will continue to dig a hole and escape the contained space that fate will throw in my face. No one finds the destination without bruises and going through so much hurdle last year taught me that. This path is about to get bumpy but I am ready to face it. As for "stuck"- I'll eat it for breakfast.