Jan 27, 2009

The one with the pictures

Memory is the worst enemy. A simple peace sign on a picture, a favorite hobby, the most intricate design printed on a bag or even 2 friends walking on the street can take you to a walk down memory lane in an instant. Funny, it had to happen today when I'm in the middle of making a huge decision for my non-existent career.

After a looong conversation with my former office mates over the phone, I sat on the computer while waiting for another page to load. Right before I was able to reach my destination, I saw her again. How could I possibly miss it when she had flooded almost the entire page with comments to everyone except me? Well, she sent me something else. A bear with a puppy love caption. Is this the only message she can give me after not getting in touch for almost 6 years?

I waited for 5 seconds, 10 then a minute. Do I click on Accept or Ignore? ACCEPT or IGNORE? I think I mentioned it in my head for 5 minutes because I lost track of time staring into space. Finally, I clicked on accept before I change my mind. In my head, I keep hearing "Delete account" and "Delete her on friend's list" but my conscience got the best of me and I simply went ahead and finished what I started. My guts are telling me to logout yet I saw myself clicking on each one of her photos to satisfy my curiosity.

After several albums, I wanted to stop and close the whole IE window. Something told me to keep viewing all of them until I browsed the last picture. I saw her with her family. She was smiling like her usual bubbly mode but she can't fool me.

She had a lot of dreams. She's the type of person who has plans and executes them as she sees fit to ensure that everything goes smoothly or perfectly. I am happy knowing that she grabbed opportunities and succeeded in them. I can see that she seemed content with her life. It's just that there are some dreams that you never dared to broadcast out loud and I can sense that she had one which had not happened the way she planned them.

As much as I'd want to pick the pieces and get back where we left off, it's almost the same as finding separated shredded papers from a garbage bag full of them.

Her pictures said a thousand words but one of them is for sure...I'm no longer part of her life.

The question that I'm asking myself is, do I delete her or do I delete myself in cyberspace again to move on with my life?

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