The one with my perception of guys

What is the difference between touching a guy friend's hand on on purpose for confirmation like a high-five and accidentally brushing your hand to his when you both reach for a chip in a bowl? Nothing right? This should be a normal occurrence which should not result to any awkwardness.

When I slightly nudged his hand when we had an agreement about a certain joke and laughed about it, he was smiling at me like we're good friends. 

He even made a few questions about me dating my sister's other friend and  then making his own conclusion that I always think all guys are gays. I do not think all guys are gays, but most of them are when you least expect it.

On the other hand, when we both reached for a bowl of chips and our hands accidentally touched, he became cautious on the side of bowl to get the chips from.

This was like the incident last week when we both stood in front of one another when walking towards the other side of the room. I was expecting him to walk on the other side of the way and I guess he was expecting the same from me so we both stood there near the kitchen for about 5-10 seconds waiting for the other to move then he laughed. He was on his cellphone talking to a friend and I was checking my cellphone for emails while walking with a glass of water on one hand.

I googled this on the internet because I am really clueless about these things. I mean, I honestly think he's gay but there are days when he's acting like a guy. He hasn't really admitted being gay but I just made that conclusion in my head because he's like no other guy I've met. 

His cleanliness is above par. He cleaned the whole unit one day like we hired a cleaning crew who also replaces curtains. Need I say more?

He smells so good that I stink near him. 

He is street-smart and wise in terms of money, career and life in general. 

He is aware on current events-even Hollywood updates or local celebrity gossips. 

He understands gay lingo although he doesn't speak like one.

He sleeps like he's posing for a magazine sometimes which makes me look like a harassed cow in bed.

He is very organized and neat with his things that you would think he learned it from a special course in a university for the neat at heart.

He listens to love songs (both local and foreign) and others that I used to think only girls do although sometimes he plays acoustic rock or alternative rock too.

His bed has always been arranged like a guest would occupy it whenever I go home.

There are many others which puzzle me about him. He is strangely different than the normal guys I knew and that scares me. I always have this picture in my head of how guys are but once you live with one, you begin to realize that your knowledge about them is less than half of it.

I must admit that he slightly gave me a better view about guys. I do not condone discrimination with men in general but the media and the society that we lived in instilled a view about men that stuck in a way that made us believe a specific description of who they are, which is not entirely good.

He made me see that guys can be cleaner than girls. 

He argued that my sister and I are the only siblings so I should forgive and forget which was a shock coming from him who seemed to be indifferent most of the time. 

He made me realize that some men know how to cook and are into healthy food. 

He showed me that men can be a gentleman (i.e. opening doors for women, allowing us to go first when about to dig in during meals etc.). 

He gave me an insight that not all men can be associated with a specific quality or persona (i.e. hardcore action fanatic/video game freak/rocker with tattoo plus tons of attitude). 

I learned from him that we can never stereotype a single person by our own impression of them because there's more to a man than what we see in them. They are different than women in numerous ways but at some point we do have similarities that are undeniably shocking. 

Due to these common characteristics, I automatically went on auto-pilot that he is gay which was unfair on him. Okay, with the recent improvements on his behavior and the details of his life that I happened to discover- it is an injustice to put him in a specific category because I was wrong for judging him with my own observations alone.

I finally decided to move on with this quest to know his gender because there's no point in all that. I will not cross the boundary of friendship because he is my sister's friend and I'm like a sister to him. I think he can be a great friend if we would be given the chance to get to know each other with more than the facts we both learned from others about our lives. 

Being perceptive about guys and their behavior was never my forte in the first place and I might as well shut up in this department. I've been with gay friends for too long which might have influenced my opinion somehow. Well, I promise to change it and give them a chance to tell me who they are before jumping into any conclusions starting today.

Here's to a new outlook in men. Bow. May the men that I meet show their true colors for the goodness of humanity. 

The one with stitch by stitch

This song by Javier Colon in The Voice really fits my current life. Earlier I had to tear up all the papers from my previous work to start anew. It was therapeutic to say the least. I was deeply involved in it that I didn't notice the roomie hanging in the same room. We talked but it was "small talk" to put it mildly. It was more like me trying to have a conversation with him and he was not interested. Moody roomie. Or maybe he's thinking of the same thing about me. Anyway, I will start work tomorrow!

Yes! Tomorrow! How great is that? Not really. I have cough and flu plus my period. Fantastic right? Talk about great timing. I'm just thankful it wasn't last Monday when the virus was at its best. I was restless yesterday and from the previous days that I kept going from one place to another to browse stuff I need and I don't need. I feel like an alley cat who needs to constantly move or I would become a statue. Anyway, I'll be posting the pictures below to show some of the sights and stuff I've been eyeing on lately to entertain myself and avoid he-who-must-not-be-named.

The McDonald's branch in Marina Square has this sign in front of me while I was enjoying my hot fudge sundae and iced tea.  Again, I forgot that their "large" is not the usual large in Manila but the biggie one like in Wendy's. Anyway, I managed to finish it while walking outside again.

This was the only picture I had on my first flight to Manila alone. I had to go home for my Lola's funeral. This moment is special to me. It was right before the plane took off and I swore to myself that I would leave all the bad memories in Singapore to start a new one when I come back. I will strive to be a better person for my family and for myself. I want to be positive now. Here's to the new me. 

This is the book I wanted to buy but due to budget constraints, I had to glance at it longer than necessary and   stayed happy and contented for not spending a penny. 

This was before my interview with the present employer. Nice view but I was time-pressured and I just took a quick shot of it. I had to apply face powder before and after the "smoke" break. What a nerve-wracking day!

The view from the bench I was sitting on while eating/drinking the mango-flavored slushie. It was weird to drink the mango-flavored syrup in the shake but to eat the mango-flavored ice cream at the same time? Not recommended. You'll end up with the mango-flavored ice that you can't eat and drink! 

I took a picture of this while watching a girl who's eating alone like I am on the other bench.

I was envying this guy who is about to go home from work when I am lost and had nowhere to go on this day. He doesn't look like he has a girlfriend though so I felt relieved. There is balance in this world, after all. 

I bought this when I was dying of boredom and can't buy anything affordable...headbands!!! Now, remind me again not go shopping when under extreme stress and boredom. I might buy something I can't afford and I'll end up bankrupt and homeless. I admit it, I am an infrequent and impulsive buyer (with the tone of an AA member).

My housemate just arrived and my sister will probably be here in the next few minutes. I better finish this! 

'Til my next misadventures! 

colbie caillat - rainbow NICE song with lyrics

I'm getting addicted to this song...a nice rainbow song that delighted my negative zero heart.

I had a "second-round" interview earlier and it was just fine. As usual, there were no signs from the blank faces of the interviewers. Not even a glimpse of hope that I would be hired or considered for the position. I'm still hoping for a miracle.

I was praying loudly earlier and talking to myself. I didn't know one of our housemates was in her room because she's absent due to a headache. Good thing she woke up late. I'm not sure if she heard me reading my cover letter out loud or when I was talking to myself. Talk about embarrassing moments! Anyway, I had fun spending time with her than being alone. We watched funny Korean games on TV and it was pure laughter. A breather in my overly boring day.

Meanwhile, the room mate is still mysterious as ever. A friend of his came to stay here for a couple of days who must have been my most hated person in the previous life. I meant, how can roomie be friends with such an ass???

When his friend was asked about the reason for a gay friend’s philandering habits, his only answer was this, “It is a man’s nature to seek different partners because it all depends on the performance.”

Wow. For such a short time, my impression of him was turned upside down. I kept quiet as a respect to roomie and to him as our guest. On a normal getting-to-know day with a stranger, I would have given him a tongue-lashing paragraph. I would have insulted him with questions he would never imagine I can say in front of him. I told myself to calm down despite the beer effects because it was a drinking session.

It took me a few minutes to recover so all I did was smoke a few cigarettes, change the topic and move on. In some parts of the conversation, I was teased by the gay friend that the visitor is available and roomie laughed. Roomie made a joke that I might run into the room because of the teasing. How did he know about my little escape moments from the few men in my life? Maybe it was my sister and her big mouth.

I replied with another joke that made them all laugh to avoid further embarrassment. It’s a good thing I only had 2 cans of beer or I would have blurted everything that’s on my mind and made a fool of myself. I cannot believe I endured that evening. You wouldn’t really know your limits until you reach the edge of madness. I gave up after drinking the last sip of beer and called it a night.

The visitor left yesterday and I’ve never been happier. I’m stressed enough as it is with my life, my family and my career, which is going nowhere. In the midst of all these, I realized His presence. I got a call from a headhunter earlier for a position I’d love to have after talking to Him about giving me a sign. It must be His response. Thank you for the wake-up call!

A friend told me once, "never question Him for whatever’s happening in your life". I know she’s right but lately I’ve been wondering how to go on each day not knowing what will happen tomorrow or the day after that. It is scary and for the first time I felt like I am stuck in a hole, unable to escape or move. I am tired of crying because it’s not getting me anywhere. I am tired of showing a happy face when I’m so empty inside. I never thought I would be in the position wherein I am having a battle with myself.

There are moments when I hate hearing laughter from others yet it makes me feel good when I’m part of it. It reduces the stress but after a while when reality sinks in, I go back to the sad zone again.

I am trying my best to be okay because I know everyone here is concerned as well as family back home. I miss the old life back home where I can sit back, relax and laugh at my unfortunate events for real. I miss chatting with friends who listen. I miss not caring what will happen tomorrow.

This must be what growing up is all about.

The one with "What I Wanted To Say"

I found this video in YouTube and it just fits my mood right now...I miss FRIENDS and here's to a decade of laughter: