The one with being different

Every now and then we find ourselves thinking that whatever we do, or say, or feel -- we are all different. I realized I was different when I was in 2nd Grade. Definitely not in my diaper days. I'm not a gifted child. ;p

I have this sort of autistic mannerism of walking up and down the stairs for several times. They never thought I was different then, like I was "sick" or had a specific illness that needed to be cured. Living in the province, they merely thought it was brought about by some kind of an unknown being who commanded those unusual behaviors.

It may sound creepy but I was seeing dwarfs or maybe just one when I was a kid. The only memory I had of it was of one dwarf who almost fell off the last step of the stairs when my cousin opened the door and I shouted at her to wait until it was on the safe zone. They were getting goose bumps from what I can recall after I told them what I saw.

Another thing I hadn't told most of my friends was when I can see where the water was coming from underneath the ground. I don't know how or why I had the notion of where they were but my parents told me that all of the times that the neighbors asked my help to find a place where they can drill for fresh water from underground, they all turned out to be correct.

It was probably a coincidence that I knew them but the people from my Dad's province, in Naujan, Oriental Mindoro, all thought I was a miracle kid. They even had this prediction that I would heal people when I turn 21. Unfortunately, I didn't take Nursing which was what I wrote as my ambition when I was in Kindergarten so there's no chance of that happening any time in the near future.

I remembered this feeling of being different when I watched the series, My Girlfriend is a Gumiho. It was a girl who was cursed and became a nine-tailed fox or the so-called Gumiho, who became human again when an aspiring actor was convinced to help her escape from a painting by drawing nine-tails on it.

The series is not yet finished and I can't wait for the ending. The previous episodes showed how hard she tried to act like a normal human being since she can't recall it anymore after being trapped in the painting for over 500 years. It was funny and at the same time sad because she's willing to do everything to become completely human not knowing that the man she loves may die in return.

Somehow this made me think how most of us never truly appreciated being humans when in some cases like hers (if in case such beings exist), they do not have the luxury of living like we do.

If you're interested in watching the series too, you may visit the link below:

http://www.viikii.net/channels/goto/MyGirlfriend#VIDEO_FOLDER/12596

After a couple of episodes, I'm sure you'll be addicted to the song too, so here's the link I found in youtube.com for the song I might never learn to sing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WaqBxi1wHSo&feature=related

Enjoy! :)

The one with plans

1. Have you ever had plans that make you frown and lose your concentration in the middle of a conversation?
2. Have you encountered a moment when you forget where your keys are or what you were supposed to do next because you cannot get an idea out of your head?
3. Have you been talking to yourself in the mirror at times due to frustrations on certain matters in your life that you have no control of?

If it's all of the above, then we're in the same boat.

I kept telling myself over and over again that there's a purpose for all these events. I must have been tested for what is yet to come. This could be a preparation for an unknown future. Well, who knows what the future holds anyway?

I was once given a free prediction by a friend's friend who's known by few who can see your future by simply looking at your face. He's Chinese, older than us by a year or two, who once said that I will have 2 kids, who will both be male. The most intriguing part was, they will be from 2 different men in my future life.

Fascinating. How can that possibly happen when I don't even have a boyfriend right now?

When I was in college, I planned to have my own business and having a savings of a million by the age of 30. I know it's a far-fetched idea but if we can dream, then we should dream big, right? It had never been part of my plans to marry or have kids because I had this belief that it would come at the right time and it would not be a long-term goal that I needed to plan.

When I turned 25, I realized that my plans seemed to be too huge to turn into reality and I removed the 1-million goal. As long as I earned enough to put up my own business would be enough for me.

At 27, I'm wondering if it will still happen. They said that 25 is the quarter-life crisis but it's still happening to me. I'm stuck at a point in my life when I have too many options on what I can do next for my goal to happen and I am left with a blank answer to my questions.

How do you make things happen when all obstacles are coming your way?

Do you pursue them amidst all the walls blocking your way or do you stay put and wait until the walls start to crumble one by one and you can find your way again?

Having too much freedom makes life complicated. There are 2 options: go with your plans while leaving the people you love behind or stay miserably on your current situation and be content having the people you love around.

Choosing the first option is selfish. If I'll go with the second option, I'll be regretful for the rest of my life pondering the what-ifs of that road.

I am beginning to envy Evelyn Salt's life from the movie SALT. She led her own life the way she wanted it to be. There were unavoidable circumstances and extreme measures taken along the way but she endured all of it to do what she believed was right even if it meant putting the love of her life at risk. It was deeply painful and almost unbearable to imagine yet she lived to continue what she started.

I'm going to relish this moment of dilemma thinking that someday, I'm going to read this blog and be grateful for the decision I made.

Meanwhile, I'll go back to watching Creating Destiny to put my mind to rest--even for a while.

The one with my SL

I've been absent from work for a week now. I have the so-called acute viral pharyngolaryngitis as mentioned by the doctor I visited a few days ago. I had to google it to know what it means because the usual case I have for my throat issues as far as I can remember is pharyngitis or tonsilitis.

Based from google, it's an inflammation of the larynx and the pharynx. The doctor mentioned it's possibly an effect of the flu shot I had at work last week when my immune system is weak. How can it be strong when it was after my shift in our stress-filled job?

Lucky me.

I remember accidentally uttering that I'd be grateful to be sick for a week to get some rest from work but this is too much. I'm missing the work despite the fact that I hate my job. It's not exactly the job but the management. The way they manipulate all the employees into doing 3 support groups when we're only assigned to one support group.

I miss the coffee sessions. I miss my busy schedule. I kept thinking this must be the reason He granted my wish--so I can reflect on what I want to do with my life. Decision-making is not my forte as the youngest in the family.

I tried to compose my resignation letter earlier. I ended up being so brutally frank that it turned out to be a bitter-employee letter. Please read some of the parts below:

"My stay as a Technical Support Representative in this company can be considered as tragic. Why? Because among the companies I’ve had the opportunity to work with, it is the only company that gave me a headache when thinking of something good to say other than the bowl-type sink in the restroom!

This company made me learn more about myself by associating with different kinds of people who left memories which will serve as an example of how politics can ruin people when achieving goals. I wish you and the company's continued success in all your endeavors while corrupting people’s minds that you are the best when in fact the only thing you’re good at is making people believe exactly what you want them to believe.

But wait there’s more! People do have common sense and yes--- we know all the crap that you’re telling us is not true. We only nod our heads to pretend we understand but no—we can’t believe how narrow-minded and stupid you think we are. So I’m glad I’m resigning. This will be my last letter and consider this as my letter for immediate resignation! I'm no longer rendering the 30 days of torture you require for every employee who wants to get the hell out of here. BTW, (OM) the way you handle the account sucks so it would be best if you’ll resign after this too."

Of course, if I say this out loud I'll surely be terminated.

I'm tired of staying at home. If it means I have to endure the stressful job and the gossip-filled workplace, then so be it. Hope I get well later so I can move on to the next chapter of this boring life.

The one with running

Running. It's the only exercise that I would love to do for the rest of my spare time given the chance. It allows me to enjoy the places I see and the people I pass by. Being in a gym doing a routine exercise is a complete boredom next to running freely with the wind blowing your hair everywhere which is the next best thing to flying.

It has always been my secret love-running. Even in the other aspects of my life. I've been and still am a runner.

I'm running late to go to work because I transform into a descendant of a turtle every time I wake up. I run away from my desk to go on break after a tiring, frustrating call. I run home when I'm pissed off at myself for not saying all that I have in mind to people who deserve to hear them. I run to my parents when I can't bear the solitude anymore. I run to the internet when I want to escape it all. This has been the story of my life.

I am tired of running. I want to sit on a sidewalk sometimes like the street children and watch the world go by without thinking of tomorrow. I envy them for having that luxury of letting everyone pass them by without receiving a glance.

I must be going insane. Maybe I am. Probably from too much exhaustion with colleagues who could not notice that they know too much for their own good to forget how to treat others with respect.

I never experienced feeling my hands get so cold from so much anger last week. I thought it was the worst kind of hatred I would ever encounter with work. I was wrong. Today, one scene after another kept my blood boiling that I am surprised I was able to leave work without causing a reason to be reprimanded or worse-- terminated.

An office mate of mine talked to me like I'm a 5-year-old kid who could not spell. Another one posted a message thru our general chat to everyone although I'm 99.9% sure that it was intended to further aggravate me.

As a Taurean, we are well-known for our vicious temper. My hands and feet got so numb even in the midst of the summer heat. I drank coffee while at work and then another grande Caramel Macchiato during lunch so that must be it.

Again, I was running to avoid being late after lunch but as expected I got late for about 7 minutes. My face was pure disbelief when my shift ended with a call that lasted for about 8 more minutes after 4 a.m. and I haven't broken anyone's bone.

My head kept repeating my advice to my gay friend, "The effort to do it is not worth your time." She kept bugging me to send an email to our boss regarding complaints and so on and so forth simply to make him as tired as we are.

She must be the only employee who constantly thinks of ways to witness a commotion or scandal of some sort to be entertained while dealing with all kinds of dilemma. To her, the best way to handle a problem is to share the dilemma with everyone while causing havoc along the aisle for a guaranteed effective impact.

I am glad I have her beside me or I might have posted some mean words in chat that I would regret later on. I didn't like running home today because I had this urge to face some serious matters head on instead of leaving them as they are. There's this idea that pops into your head that you want to correct others for their own good. Unfortunately, not everyone is willing to learn a thing or two and I respect our differences.

He must have been testing my patience. I almost want to give up but I held on and stayed quiet for a long time to endure it all. I hope I passed.

P.S.

Lord, can you please lend me a good pair of running shoes next time? I might need to run really fast if they try to follow me and my uncontrollable temper.