Have you ever encountered an emotion so deep it made you sleepless and bothered because you cannot identify what it is?
I thought this will only happen when someone passes away. Death is a very sensitive topic that only a few dare to speak of it. Why not? All of us will eventually meet our own end and we should be prepared for it. We can only be confident in facing it if we have assured ourselves that leaving will be a smooth process for the ones we will leave behind but then again, no death can ever be smooth no matter how long and how much we prepare for it.
Anyway, this post is not merely about death. It's about living. I never imagined that even in the midst of an illness, a person can still have enough stamina to accomplish several tasks thrown at him or her. However, when a person reaches its unexpected limit, all the energy gets sucked right out and the person ends up drained-lifeless. In other words, this proved that emotional illness is more powerful than any physical illness. Maybe this is the reason that doctors advise of the famous quote, "Laughter is the best medicine."
My question is: Do we purposely allow ourselves to get hurt because we're enjoying it subconsciously or do we manifest some kind of hurt magnet and intentionally absorb all kinds of pain until we can no longer receive any and then our hearts become stone-like to the point of functioning only for the purpose of pumping blood to the rest of the body parts?
I am a very complicated person. I tend to get attached to certain subjects unconsciously although the brain commands a logical advice that kept whispering it's impossible and most definitely a coincidence. The heart insisted on pushing to dwell on the impossible because the emotions dominate the throne dictating the body to pursue the subject with utmost care because it continues to believe in fate and destiny. Meanwhile, the body is more confused than ever in terms of decision-making. Who does it follow? The brain which provides the most complex information but has the reasonable explanations or the heart which depends on the intuitive powers of discerning reality from fantasy?
I'm extremely tired but I cannot sleep. Doing laundry to waste time. Maybe I'll make more sense once I have gained my old self back OR once I've regained my constant wish: (drum rolls please)
~~~uninterrupted 8 hours of sleep. (^_^)