The one with a thousand years

All of us go through a phase- admit it or not, we all have sides of us that we are prepared to share with everyone else but sometimes we have aspects of our lives that we'd prefer to keep by ourselves. As they say, all secrets are meant to be known sooner or later. But again, it depends on how fate plans to surprise us. 

This afternoon was a roller coaster of emotions for me. I used to be one of the shy, timid, predictable girls from the province and I turned into a loud, insensitive and sarcastic bitch. I don't understand it but I must admit that it was a refreshing change. I became the exact opposite of who I was in my teens although I still have some values left here and there. Time has brought me to the moment when I slightly understood myself. I finally accepted that  we  developed and gained certain behaviors for our own benefits. 

Learning about yourself is probably one of the most difficult tests we need to undergo in life. I'm glad I have grasped some of that before I turn 30 or I'd still be groping in the dark for an identity.

Anyway, I listened to the song "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri and something in me was dumbfounded with awe and disbelief. After laughing like a lunatic earlier with my housemates, my emotions switched to confusion then I felt teardrops forming in my eyes. Is this me? Am I really going to cry when any moment someone might come inside the shared room? No. My brain told me to stop. It did. But the feeling stayed like a shadow, waiting to be noticed. 

Hopefully jogging will cure this. It's my only solution when my brain is in the mood to go on auto-pilot and I can't seem to control it. I need to clear my head big time. I need to breathe. Tomorrow's another day but I'll be okay by then. Right?

The one with stuck

Due to the incidents today, the Christmas spirit gone and the inner chaos going on at home-- I'll be delaying the continuation of my previous post about Christmas Day. 

What a day. I woke up early to clean up the left-over mess from the drinking session on New Year's eve. Oops I didn't wake up because of that. It's because I need to do the regular bladder duties and my stomach started complaining from dehydration.

Once I started clearing the plates, I was on a roll so I wiped all the teeny bits of food stuck inside the microwave then moved on to the stove and the rest of the unit. With the background music by Adele, Colbie Caillat, Jason Reeves and E. Yamin, there was a synchronized rhythm through my movements that I didn't feel even a moment of exhaustion. My little concert continued in the bathroom and I was lost in my own little world where I was forever replaying scenes from last night and previous nights. AGAIN.

Let's move on because the "thinking" part is so lame. Mind over matter. Tired. Tired. Tired. Erase thinking during sleeping hours, idle time and bathroom breaks.

Anyway, my gay housemate (R) brought several friends at home for a drinking session just now. I am certainly not in the mood for another one. First, I got a stiff neck due to an uncomfortable position I've slept last night. Second, the supposedly foursome drinking session became a threesome event because he was online in Skype most of the time. What is the point of drinking with an invisible companion? Third, he asked permission from my sister and my housemate. Not from me. 

So my opinion doesn't count anymore. Great. Thank you so much for making me realize that my consent doesn't really matter when bringing in friends. I don't really mind. A courtesy or consideration on the matter would have sufficed. Lo and behold--Zip. Zilch. Nada.

I got upset for a few moments but I recovered after listening to random songs in YouTube. That's me. Fixed by music. Tomorrow is another day. I will feel better. The patience antidote hasn't gone through its normal operating hours and the anger management department is still on the works but it'll improve in time.

Life is short. It's been far too long that I've been stuck in this hole. Being kind and nice had been a label I've hated since a kid although most people think it's a positive thing. Well, not to me. I refuse to be described in 2 adjectives because they do not know me. 

I can also get mad when the need arises. I can be blunt when the wrong button is pressed. I can be a bitch when treated wrongly. I can be too silent when too upset because of my fear to speak negative words that I'll regret afterwards. I can laugh like a mad woman when I'm too happy and at the same time, cry like a baby if I was moved by a song, movie or situation. 

All of us have our own distinct qualities that make us different from others. This makes us perfectly imperfect because we compliment others by this lack of characteristic or behavior. We are all special in our own ways because of our varying emotions and reactions to situations; otherwise, we're no different to electronic gadgets invented by scientists who constantly do routine tasks.

I am grateful with the experiences of 2011 because I became a stronger and wiser person. I am thankful for the great friends I've known who stuck by me through thick and thin, parents who remained by my side despite my daily dose of psychotic moments and the new people who affected my life in more ways than they can possibly know in this lifetime.

This year, "stuck" will never be a hindrance. I will continue to dig a hole and escape the contained space that fate will throw in my face. No one finds the destination without bruises and going through so much hurdle last year taught me that. This path is about to get bumpy but I am ready to face it. As for "stuck"- I'll eat it for breakfast.

The one with my perception of guys

What is the difference between touching a guy friend's hand on on purpose for confirmation like a high-five and accidentally brushing your hand to his when you both reach for a chip in a bowl? Nothing right? This should be a normal occurrence which should not result to any awkwardness.

When I slightly nudged his hand when we had an agreement about a certain joke and laughed about it, he was smiling at me like we're good friends. 

He even made a few questions about me dating my sister's other friend and  then making his own conclusion that I always think all guys are gays. I do not think all guys are gays, but most of them are when you least expect it.

On the other hand, when we both reached for a bowl of chips and our hands accidentally touched, he became cautious on the side of bowl to get the chips from.

This was like the incident last week when we both stood in front of one another when walking towards the other side of the room. I was expecting him to walk on the other side of the way and I guess he was expecting the same from me so we both stood there near the kitchen for about 5-10 seconds waiting for the other to move then he laughed. He was on his cellphone talking to a friend and I was checking my cellphone for emails while walking with a glass of water on one hand.

I googled this on the internet because I am really clueless about these things. I mean, I honestly think he's gay but there are days when he's acting like a guy. He hasn't really admitted being gay but I just made that conclusion in my head because he's like no other guy I've met. 

His cleanliness is above par. He cleaned the whole unit one day like we hired a cleaning crew who also replaces curtains. Need I say more?

He smells so good that I stink near him. 

He is street-smart and wise in terms of money, career and life in general. 

He is aware on current events-even Hollywood updates or local celebrity gossips. 

He understands gay lingo although he doesn't speak like one.

He sleeps like he's posing for a magazine sometimes which makes me look like a harassed cow in bed.

He is very organized and neat with his things that you would think he learned it from a special course in a university for the neat at heart.

He listens to love songs (both local and foreign) and others that I used to think only girls do although sometimes he plays acoustic rock or alternative rock too.

His bed has always been arranged like a guest would occupy it whenever I go home.

There are many others which puzzle me about him. He is strangely different than the normal guys I knew and that scares me. I always have this picture in my head of how guys are but once you live with one, you begin to realize that your knowledge about them is less than half of it.

I must admit that he slightly gave me a better view about guys. I do not condone discrimination with men in general but the media and the society that we lived in instilled a view about men that stuck in a way that made us believe a specific description of who they are, which is not entirely good.

He made me see that guys can be cleaner than girls. 

He argued that my sister and I are the only siblings so I should forgive and forget which was a shock coming from him who seemed to be indifferent most of the time. 

He made me realize that some men know how to cook and are into healthy food. 

He showed me that men can be a gentleman (i.e. opening doors for women, allowing us to go first when about to dig in during meals etc.). 

He gave me an insight that not all men can be associated with a specific quality or persona (i.e. hardcore action fanatic/video game freak/rocker with tattoo plus tons of attitude). 

I learned from him that we can never stereotype a single person by our own impression of them because there's more to a man than what we see in them. They are different than women in numerous ways but at some point we do have similarities that are undeniably shocking. 

Due to these common characteristics, I automatically went on auto-pilot that he is gay which was unfair on him. Okay, with the recent improvements on his behavior and the details of his life that I happened to discover- it is an injustice to put him in a specific category because I was wrong for judging him with my own observations alone.

I finally decided to move on with this quest to know his gender because there's no point in all that. I will not cross the boundary of friendship because he is my sister's friend and I'm like a sister to him. I think he can be a great friend if we would be given the chance to get to know each other with more than the facts we both learned from others about our lives. 

Being perceptive about guys and their behavior was never my forte in the first place and I might as well shut up in this department. I've been with gay friends for too long which might have influenced my opinion somehow. Well, I promise to change it and give them a chance to tell me who they are before jumping into any conclusions starting today.

Here's to a new outlook in men. Bow. May the men that I meet show their true colors for the goodness of humanity. 

The one with stitch by stitch

This song by Javier Colon in The Voice really fits my current life. Earlier I had to tear up all the papers from my previous work to start anew. It was therapeutic to say the least. I was deeply involved in it that I didn't notice the roomie hanging in the same room. We talked but it was "small talk" to put it mildly. It was more like me trying to have a conversation with him and he was not interested. Moody roomie. Or maybe he's thinking of the same thing about me. Anyway, I will start work tomorrow!

Yes! Tomorrow! How great is that? Not really. I have cough and flu plus my period. Fantastic right? Talk about great timing. I'm just thankful it wasn't last Monday when the virus was at its best. I was restless yesterday and from the previous days that I kept going from one place to another to browse stuff I need and I don't need. I feel like an alley cat who needs to constantly move or I would become a statue. Anyway, I'll be posting the pictures below to show some of the sights and stuff I've been eyeing on lately to entertain myself and avoid he-who-must-not-be-named.

The McDonald's branch in Marina Square has this sign in front of me while I was enjoying my hot fudge sundae and iced tea.  Again, I forgot that their "large" is not the usual large in Manila but the biggie one like in Wendy's. Anyway, I managed to finish it while walking outside again.

This was the only picture I had on my first flight to Manila alone. I had to go home for my Lola's funeral. This moment is special to me. It was right before the plane took off and I swore to myself that I would leave all the bad memories in Singapore to start a new one when I come back. I will strive to be a better person for my family and for myself. I want to be positive now. Here's to the new me. 

This is the book I wanted to buy but due to budget constraints, I had to glance at it longer than necessary and   stayed happy and contented for not spending a penny. 

This was before my interview with the present employer. Nice view but I was time-pressured and I just took a quick shot of it. I had to apply face powder before and after the "smoke" break. What a nerve-wracking day!

The view from the bench I was sitting on while eating/drinking the mango-flavored slushie. It was weird to drink the mango-flavored syrup in the shake but to eat the mango-flavored ice cream at the same time? Not recommended. You'll end up with the mango-flavored ice that you can't eat and drink! 

I took a picture of this while watching a girl who's eating alone like I am on the other bench.

I was envying this guy who is about to go home from work when I am lost and had nowhere to go on this day. He doesn't look like he has a girlfriend though so I felt relieved. There is balance in this world, after all. 

I bought this when I was dying of boredom and can't buy anything affordable...headbands!!! Now, remind me again not go shopping when under extreme stress and boredom. I might buy something I can't afford and I'll end up bankrupt and homeless. I admit it, I am an infrequent and impulsive buyer (with the tone of an AA member).

My housemate just arrived and my sister will probably be here in the next few minutes. I better finish this! 

'Til my next misadventures!